author C.C.Cole's blog

Sunday, December 25, 2011

The Cole Cut XI: Best Iguana

I couldn't resist re-posting Stella Deluze's excellent essay from the standpoint of her unusual roomate, Zorro. 

A lazy animal's life

What the heck? Still sleepy, I open my eyes. Why does the sun always rise that quickly? The same as it sets. One second I dream of the high trees, next I'm thrown into reality. Brutal, I must say. And it means, that I have to leave this corner I slept in.
Not that someone forces me, but this ugly creature that provides me with some delicious tasting stuff will put it on my lower lazy hangout. I spend most of my day there, because I can overlook my territory, you see?
She doesn't know it yet, but I'm her master. Proof is that she always backs off when I head-bob at her, or leaves, just to come back with more delicious things to eat and boy, she knows what I like. A lot of crunchy greens and those little round things that pop in my mouth.
How I know it's a female? Hell, don't you understand? I'm an alpha male and if I don't take up the scent of a fine lady, who else would, eh? And there are many opportunities for she comes to see me a lot. Even when I really don't want to be disturbed.
Oh, there she is and I see green stuff. Good job, I could eat at least two bowls of this. She makes funny noises I don't understand. What do you want? I wonder. Something's different. Typical. A cold draft pushes past me. No time to blink, I'm in anticipation of the food.
Gosh, this is good! I don't spare her one look. Then...Hey! No! I want to shout. Why can't she let me eat in peace? I don't like being touched, I'm ticklish. Leave me alone, I signal by shaking my head. Not that I have high hopes. Years of experience made showed that's not going to happen. I sigh, throw a brief look towards her flesh and contemplate.
Lucky for her, I enjoy my breakfast far too much. Again, this annoying sound. Sometimes, I feel she speaks my language, but I have trouble to understand, must be a weird dialect. I would answer, then she would answer, too, but still no real conversation.
Now, she dashes out of my sight. Do I care? No, she left enough so I continue to tuck in. Could've closed the gap where this cold draft floats in. Might mean she'll be back. Yes, here she comes, holding some orange watery treats, then puts it in front of me.
And there are some attached to her flesh. Great! She'll just take the mick again, every time I have almost one in my mouth, she'll pull away, making weird noises again, just a tad louder. Put the damn sweet things down and let me get them my own, I want to scream at her.
Imagine someone holds your favourite treat in front of you and then pulls it away, every bloody time. How would you feel? To do a little bit of justice, I've a trick, darting forwards, mouth as wide open as possible and try to bite into her flesh, she then drops the orange thingies.
From experience I know that will piss her off, teach her a lesson, you know? On the other hand, I won't get supplement and when I like something very much, then it's supplement. And variety. Must say, she does this well.
But this constant staring. Why on earth would she stare at me for ages? I need to digest, warm up, spread my arm and legs, rest my head and doze. Something I do for most of the day. I can afford it, can't I? Having my personal slave.
There I lie, relaxed, dreaming of a fine woman for me, when the drafts is back. I lift my head to see what the reason for the disturbance is. Oh dear. This giant spitting thing. That comes unexpected! There I was, sun-bathing and now it rains heavily. I squint.
Good I don't soak, it's rather nice when it's a warm shower. I wonder if I will ever have a quiet moment, day even. But that's something else I can dream of, tomorrow, maybe the day after that. The rain stops, the sun shines down on me and I'm able to have a nap. Life is hard for an iguana.

Bio: Stella is a versatile writer. Having spent almost all her life in Germany, she now lives in beautiful London with her pet iguana Zorro. When she's not busily typing away on her laptop, she edits other people's work.

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