From Zorro's diary: The ugly creature goes bonkers
Life as an iguana can be rather confusing; I have no idea what's going on, but believe you me, my walking feeder is up to something. For many changes between me being awake and asleep, she has been moving around a lot. Very suspicious. She never does that. When she doesn't stare for hours at the thingy in front of her, she'll either leave and not come back for ages or she'll pester me with her funny noises and lures me down from my high look-out with delicious treats. She's brought different ones, by the way and boy, they are just melting in my mouth. I can't get enough of them.
So back to her moving about. Every time when I open my eyes, she's changing her house. Not that I care a lot, as long as it doesn't involve me getting touched, she can do whatever she wants. But I'm curious, so I crawl a bit closer and sit right in front of the unseen barrier and yet again, bang my nose at it! Never mind, I just want to see what's going on. At this moment, she's holding items that magically disappear when she bends forward. Surprised, I stretch myself to see a bit better, but it's gone. How interesting!
Uh, oh, no! I shouldn't have come down here; my lower hangout is only good when she's not around or sitting in her usual place. Now she's making the funny noises again and putting the extension of her inside my house. I wonder if I can warn her off by trying to sink my teeth into her flesh. No, she'd be too fast for me, pulling back again. Instead I close my eyes. It'll be over soon, it'll go away in a tick! But, oooh, I like it. Damn, she really knows what I like; my eyes were a bit itchy and I do love a good head rub, especially if it takes off the old skin. I've tried to get rid of it, but it didn't work. I could also do with something to drink. I'm thirsty. Maybe she'll make it rain again? Carefully, I squint through my half-open eye. She has moved onto my cheeks. Man that is good. Seriously good. Relaxing, I lean into her extension, so much, that I almost fall off my seat when she suddenly pulls away. Hey, you! I think. Don't stop! I could do with a bit longer. As much as I loathe her, she definitely gives me the best green stuff and treats and her massages are pure iguana heaven. And then it starts to rain heavily. I blink and wait. The rain moves over my head and I stretch out my tongue to drink. Gee, I'm so thirsty and the temperature is perfect. When I have enough, I hurry up to my higher hangout. From experience, I know she'll not pester me for the time being and probably will make more things disappear, I'll watch from here and see what happens.
Her house changes constantly, what's worse is that another ugly creature has joined her. I know him; he once gave me some green stuff to eat when the female wasn't here for a longer while. It was the most peaceful time, I must add. Didn't even feel the urge to bite him and he didn't put his extension in my house to touch me. I'd say we got on well. Never mind, now that he's here again, I'll observe everything carefully.
But what is going on? They'll became rather hectic and when her house starts to look almost empty, she comes over to mine. No! You don't, ooh no! In panic, I try to squeeze myself into the corner, as far away from her extension as possible. Not that it would help, she reaches out and I try to bite, but I'm just an iguana and she's bigger and stronger than me. I struggle ¨C to no avail. Then I hold still, just wishing to get back into my house and relax. Seems I've made the plans without her as she ¨C against my expectation ¨C drops me somewhere unfamiliar. Then it goes dark. Hey! Let me out of here, I think. How rude it that? I can hear them exchanging funny noises. Doh, I'll show you what I'm made of. I scratch a bit here and there, everywhere where brightness streams in, but there's no way to escape. Deflated, I decide to rest for a while to gather some strength. Suddenly, I rip open my eyes. Blimey, what's that thundering noise? It's so damn unfair; I really want to sneak a peek, so I start scratching again and there, finally, is a way out. Hah! They're so busy, they don't even notice.
What the heck? I really don't like what I see: they're ruining my house! Mesmerised, I stare at what resembles my home when I find myself airborne and in the dark again. I didn't pay attention, too shocked was I about being made homeless. Confused, I try to orientate myself when I'm dazzled and blindfolded in the next second. What is wrong with her today?
Again, I struggle and try to free myself, but she holds me tightly. To add to the disaster, she's moving around with me. It's getting cold and my tail knocks against something, then a bang and another, different, noise. Breathing heavily, I try to make out where we are. After ages she sets me free and removes the blindfold. Gee! I don't know this place. And the other two ugly creatures are back, too. Ah, I see parts of my house. Would be good if they put is together as quickly as they can, because first it's not really warm and second, I want my peace back. Oh and I could do with something to eat to.
Resigned, I drop myself somewhere comfy and watch the hustle and bustle. After a while I can't be bothered anymore and just close my eyes to drift into a dream with many beautiful ladies, lots of food and plenty of sunshine. Ah. There, that's better.